An edict came down from up high amongst males about 7 or 8 years ago as far as I can tell. Within it a union was formed between two warring parties of ages old: nerds and cool kids/jocks. It was in about grade 9 or so for me and it stemmed from an understanding: Being cool about the uncool is the new cool. Read that sentence again. Being laid-back enough to not care about how someone spent their off time came into favour amongst my schoolmates. The cool kids and jocks realized that video games were damn fun - and a good way to stay competitive when exhausted from sports or other activities. The nerds realized that it was about attitude and that slipping into the dating pool was relative not to their biceps but to their confidence and social detachment from their downtime. Thus a genuine cohesion occured - and the laid-back friendly jocks and cool guys started playing video games and laughin' it up with the laid-back friendly nerds who started to show signs of a social consciousness. I remember the time in my instance specifically, when cool-guy Raine Tamamaggi claimed his posse could school BT, Patten and I think Francis and I in Goldeneye64. Cool guys coming onto our turf? Rock on. The match never happened (I don't think), but the merger was made. It was also realized, although I was soon to leave the school and thus not reap the benefits, that our little collective of gamers and folk were bonifide nice guys not afflicted with social ailments commonly associated with video game junkies. BT realized this and buffed his arms up. Colin and I joined the swim team. As great as this union seemed to be, the problem with the whole scenario - though finding peace on the battlefield created strange social phenomenon like Evan Herbert, a master of both sides and risen from the ranks of nerdom - was that someone forgot to inform 50% of the populace of this newfound truth. The girls. Being cool about the uncool is the new cool. It didn't matter what you did, as long as you did it with passion and a good heart. As long as you could be counted on not to bone any situation (be it a dance with the ladies or a FPS no Oddjob Basement Pistols match) you were a stand up guy. Each side had their detriments when it came to ladies. The jocks had hockey miasmatically swirling about their heads. If a guy liked hockey it was thought (and often found to be true), that he wouldn't treat a girl right because he'd ditch each Saturday at least to play hockey with "the boys." I wholeheartedly agree that a posse of males, specifically in the jock scenario, can become a very bad influence on a relationship. I always advise avoiding the guy who cares more about the posse and his respect amongst them than he does the girl. Often, girls become trophy-like in such instances, symbols of power within the group that's really only concerned with out-cocking the others - be it with women, on the ice, or in the locker room which always hummed with telltale whispers of homosexuality (from all the male on male position jockeying and nudity). So I definitely agree. But this suddenly wasn't taking into account the new union. Nerdy guys were getting into sports. Nerdy guys were playing NHL94 for the SNES. Nerdy guys wanted to get fit because most learned in the elementary school that beating Metroid in 1:07:10 didn't get girls to play spin-the-bottle with you. If fitness wasn't their way, then often girl-friendly hobbies like cooking popped up. They learned to try and avoid showcasing their love of games and showcase something else. Nerds had their detriment to the ladies as well. A hardcore gamer is FAR from what a typical girl would want in a boyfriend. Once again it takes a serious amount of time away from her, and this time instead of replacing it with boorish behavior and cock-jockeying it replaces it with meaningless facts, digital violence, and prolonged spans of lethargy often resulting wormy-slimness or obescity. Now I am NOT attacking ladies for having these consternations - these are apt concerns! Like the boor influence becoming a sever hinderence on a happy relationship, being overly pent-up indoors and obssesive about fantastical hodge-podge can make guys more difficult to converse with in real life (or RL, ha) and concerned with stuff girls care nothing about. But this suddenly wasn't taking into account the new union. Nerdy guys weren't allowing themselves to become so enamoured with Kilgor and his 46 hits combos anymore and the cool kids were starting to talk about how to beat the Golden Avatar in Earthbound. So what to do? Women didn't seem to think that being cool with being uncool was, well, cool. It was nerdifying their popular males and making confident approaching nerds. It became increasingly difficult finding a seperation between the two. There became a collective of half-nerd half-popular men : almost all of which had the detriment of being obsessive over hockey AND obsessive over video games (although obsessive might be too strong a term in this sense). But they'd learned to push both to back burner when it came to social interaction. It was only, woefully, in retrospect that a girl would find out a guy watched a hockey a ton or played video games in his generic time off. To them the uncool was still the uncool. Hockey lovers and gamers had to be WEEDED out from the good guys - an increasingly difficult task. The result was that males hid both elements as long as possible until relationships had germinated. Mentioning being a hockey fan (as I did on a date recently to the response, "Oh - You didn't seem like a hockey-type of guy." Of course I didn't. By now who likes hockey is widely spread amongst artsies and jocks evenly. And I didn't seem like a "hockey-type of guy" because I'm not. I'm a guy who likes hockey. A 'hockey type of guy' is the OLD persona for jocks stemming back to the core reasons girls avoid (or ought to avoid) guys who maintain core posses of boorish males trying to one up each other - but of course that line's been blurred) Mentioning being a hockey fan
thrust me into that category despite my seemingly (and real) respect and focus for a potential partner. I decided to not mention my liking for hockey in the future so I wouldn't get perceived this way. If girls realized that being cool with being uncool was the new cool then I hardly should be worried because I would not receive the stigma long with the hobby. It is a shame when you must hide your likes and dislikes for fear of distaste when your intentions are far from those associated with your off time preference. Hockey as a hobby is now something to worry about as a girl. Perhaps it always was, back with the jocks and nerds dicotemy, but now the waters are murky and you don't know what you're getting. (Think of 'Saved by the Bell' and the characters Slater and Skreech. You knew with demons you'd face if you chose to date either of them.)
Games get the same treatment. It used to be that the lethergic gamers were easily spotted - or NOT spotted, deep in their basements. Now, well, I barely know any male who is not into video games to a certain extent. Or more precisely, HAS been before school or work dominated them. Gamer Tendancies we'll call it. But while you can like hockey and not be a "Hockey-type of guy", a boor who cares more about his boyz than his lady, you can also like games and not be a pimply shut in who neglects a girlfriend by being socially awkward and physically inferior. There was a union. Games spread to all to a certain degree. The males I know most into sports have also dug games. My brother's crazy-fit from Dragonboating and marathon running and he plays games whenever he manages the time. Donald Summerville, my pal, is into the competitive playing of many sports - but he was the uniracer usurping champion when younger and we beat FF3 together, not to mention 28.8 Warcraft II battles on sunday mornings. Video games as a hobby have always been worried about by girls and now they're harder to eek out. But once again there's a key difference between what they symbolize and how they actually effect a budding relationship. Most guys I know treat playing games like watching TV - not something to take from social time, but something to take from understandably non-social time. Most guys I know still go out on fridays and saturdays and other days - it's at times when social interaction is unavilable they turn to games. And don't anyone try to tell me games are despised because they're a poor use of free time. TV is no better, and less interactive. It certainly doesn't hone skill of any kind. A plethora of other activites don't come close to the complexity of many modern games. But 'liking games' is still a dark blot on a guys record due to the stigma of the time pre-union of being cool with the uncool. To be cool nowadays, the guys I know juggle these things. All the guys I know with the exception of one like hockey - or if not hockey directly, another sport like soccer. All the guys I know periodically enjoy games given the chance. The COOL ones are the ones who can handle this feat and keep their neck above water with the ladies and offer no less time to social interaction than expected. The UNCOOL ones are the ones who let one or the other, or both, detract from their social life in a serious way. This distinction is basically clear to women, but I don't think they recognize an intergral piece. Yes, ladies know social deficiency is not an attribute. They can read who's cool and who's uncool aptly. But they don't seem to get that upon introduction if you say you like hockey you're not necessarily a boor or that if you say you like video games you're not necessarily a nerd. They don't recognize that the two are basically fused together amongst the cool portions of males. These still act as black marks on your record, yet are meaningless if the man can allocate the correct amount of time for social interaction (and therefore the correct amount of time to a girlfriend). No longer do these traits have to detract from a guy's worth because oft times he's learned how to juggle them. Instead of being firmly entrenched in one camp or another, he's become a jack-of-trades and can know when and where the right place for hockey and/or games is. I am not a hockey-boor or a gamer-nerd: I'm a combination of the two and more. Mark me not twice for my sins for I am in neither camp deep enough to make my hobbies become an affliction to my social status. This stems to my general argument about hobbies. Hobbies were not meant to be treated as good or bad. A hobby is always good, within reason (aka, killing the elderly as a hobby is not good). Horse riding, cooking, D&D, shopping, reading, collecting magnets, dancing, sports or video games: they're all good. Girl considers shopping one of her hobbies? That's great! Watch a girl shopping who loves it and you see someone at the heart of their element - like a guy who loves hockey playing hockey. What is wrong with that? No one hobby is superior. As long as it doesn't detract from your relationship or your social life what's wrong with it? It's FREE time. Do what you want. But don't label some hobbies so devoid of attraction as to render their pursuer unattractive. If a girl says she likes shopping on a first date most guys won't throw in the towel. The way society's built nowadays it's somewhat expected. Well guess what. Hockey and video games ought to be somewhat expected amongst Canadian males and not considered black marks. They are but preferences. The more hobbies you are the most interesting a person to talk to you should be, pending they don't afflict anyone else (commonly my problem) I mean, I'm not into cars, but my friend Kristen Bowden is and I'd much rather talk to her about her hobby I'm not into than, say, school: a generally boring topic unless the source of an interesting story. Hobbies in my opinion are inately good, and if a girl really likes horse riding I will endevor to find out why. I will endevor to share that interest in some way. To learn. What's wrong with a new hobby? What could possibly be wrong with being interested in something new? Girls don't have to like hockey, or play video games - but these pursuits should not be treated with scorn. Not all males will neglect a girl because they like hockey or play games. I can't speak for all men (although I've tried to here sometimes with varying success no dubt) but I've never scorned girl's hobby. My ex was into quasi-gothic movies and music : AS FAR from my generally sunny personality as possible. But it was something to learn about and something to share, even if I never warmed up to it myself I was glad she had something to enjoy and be inspired by. Guys may groan about a girl shopping a ton, or them being "dragged around" a lot, but they won't dismiss a girl on a 1st date (or the like) due to shopping being a big part of their life. Such common hobbies for girls do not bring up disdain or disgust - personalities do that, not interests. Hockey and video games deserve the same treatment. They are not foul in and of themselves, but common enough now, since the union, that they ought to be considered with respect and no longer used to judge what type of person the guy is. He's a combination of the two usually. Just as many girls are a combination of shopping and dressing up (or something). Judge from personalities, not likes and dislikes - because sometimes nerds can be really cool and fit, and sometimes jocks can enjoy ripping up Bowser's Castle Raceway on 100cc in Mariokart. You don't get many chances with people. I'd hate to categorize too soon based off a person's prefered hobby and miss the person underneath. And quickly, before I end, I have NOT forgotten the numerous women who are very interested in sports and athletics or video games and the fantastical. I was speaking more to the majority crowd, and when you do that there's ALWAYS a minority crowd saying, "Hey - what about me?" You can always find an example to beat the rule: but you can always find a plethora of examples to beat that example when you're dealing with majorities and minorities. So apologies. We know that girls who like gamez and hockey have an easier time with guys and that guys who are into clothing and shopping have an easier time with girls. Thus, on the sixth day, the world received Tom-Girls and Metrosexuals. Sorry if anyone finds this upsetting. Rants have a way of leaving things out or overemphasizing things since they follow the brain's meandering stream of thoughts. No form of communication accurately gets across your entire point of view on a subject. I've just always been of the impression that hobbies are great, no matter whether they're hobbies I share or not and I've always found that when it came to relationships girls seemed to care about my hobbies more than my personality. Or at least they cared about my hobbies more than I cared about their hobbies.
Hobbies are but the ways in which we express ourselves. It is what IS expressed that counts.
